Thanks for the reminder!

The big question. Why am I so scared to see this guy, this weekend? It's not just about this guy, but everything this guy symbolizes. Reading was where I became ill, and one could say, it was in part due to him. With this guy, this was my first foray into performing. When I moved away, I pretty much abandoned the idea of performing for years. He was the one that got the wheels turning, putting the idea into my head about moving to New York.

In Creative Writing class, I would write many stories about the two of us running away from this awful town, to Manhattan. Mrs. Becker said I had a lot of promise, and that pulling out Tic Tacs in class was unsophisticated and inappropriate. She's dead now.

This was the place, where I quickly realized I was so different. Now, I treasure that, I wear it as a horribly disfigured badge. But as a young teen, being different is your key to the Gates of Hell. Theatre and music were the only places I felt accepted. And I was good at it. This guy reenforced everything good and wonderful about me.

The first time I met him, we were working in a summer improv class. I'd never heard of Improv before, but I thought it was easier then memorizing lines. He was this tall and lanky Hispanic 13yr old, and horribly sunburned from being at the Jersey shore for Independence Day. There wasn't anything spectactular about him. I'd never met a boy that enjoyed theatre and singing and acting.

He went to Parochial school, and lived in a pretty crummy part of town. Our parents didn't really approve of the two of us, due to religious reasons, among other things. But we were just kids, nothing could come of it.

School started in the Fall, and I began auditioning for community productions around the county. At auditions, I'd be on the lookout for him or ask about him, but nothing came of that.

Eigth grade was one of my most difficult years, with being Bat Mitzvahed, being in two shows at once, band & chorus, my father losing his job, and the illness now running my life. When I performed, it never was an issue. I thought I'd never hear from the guy again.

That summer I entered the same improv workshop again, and he was there. Everything came rushing back, times 10. We began speaking on the phone, every few nights. Unfortunatly, I couldn't function in the program this time, and had a mild breakdown during rehearsals. The director called me, the day before we opened and told me I was out because I was "mentally unstabile". I'll never ever forget that for as long as I live.

I moved back to Philadelphia, a few months later. Our phone calls began taking place on a nightly basis. One night, I told him I loved him. He didn't reciprocate the feelings. Of course we were just kids, how could we know what love is. I knew.

When I found out I was going away to school, the understanding was that I would be unable to have easy access to my friends and my life in Philly. I wanted to close certain chapters in my life, so I could open new ones.

A few weeks before I left, he came down. I'm not sure what I was expecting, and I figured out what he was expecting. After he left, I burned the only photo I had of him, and went on with my life. As far as I was concerned, he was poison to me and I couldn't have that at this point. I was trying to get well.

As I became older, I slowly but surely forgot about him. I no longer sought out people showing similarities to him. I quit this stupid obsession.

But with every major step forward (finally learing to drive, working full-time, loosing 100lbs, accepting myself, giving up medication, and moving to New York), I thought about him. Where would I be, had I stayed in Reading. Had we grown together. I know, I wouldn't be here.

We found each other a few months ago, on Myspace. We're very different from the way we were 10 yrs ago. And we're polar opposites of each other now. That's a comfort to me, because it makes this a bit easier.

I swore to myself, I'd never go back to Reading. It was a horrible place, and I've blocked so much of it. When I made my millions, I wanted to buy the theatre I performed in, knock it down, and build a Bennigans. Reading never had a Bennigans. I really didn't think it would take this guy to bring me back to the place where it all began.