Curtains, drapes, and other housewares

I've always had hair "issues", which I attribute to my early dying foray at age 11. I was the first one in school to dye my hair. A trendsetter, oh yes. I was red hot Ginger, until 20. Here is a timeline of my hair accomplishments/defeats.

age 11 - picked up a box of Clairol Glints semi-perminant hair color at Fay's Drugs in Sinking Spring, PA after band practice, continue coloring every 8 weeks
age 12 - come to the decision that a Perm is a good idea. 3 weeks later, I brush it out. Have an afro for the rest of my 7th grade experience, resulting in a crystal clear understanding of "they're not laughing WITH YOU, they're laughing AT YOU." Trying to tweeze my eyebrows, I become frustrated, take my Flicker razor and shave them off.
age 13 - 15 - find a lovely shade of red, that glows bright purple under cafeteria lights. Therapy is up to twice a week. Attempt a fun shade of neon green for Halloween, that permiates my scalp. Go to school looking like She-Hulk for two weeks.
age 16-18 - back to my normal dark brown shade. Hair coloring, as well as kissing, hand holding, and hand jobs on Parents Day are against the rules at my boarding school.
age 19 - try going Blonde. Due to the red & orange deposits in my hair, I end up looking like Ronald McDonald's busty sister. Win the part of Nurse Rached in my college's production of "Cuckoo's Nest". Have an incredably depressing time at an after-show party, involving a hydrosepholic cat. Shave my eyebrows off. Again.
age 20-22 red, red, red. While living with my boyfriend at the time, I put my hair in a ponytail, and asked him to cut it off. That God Hair Cuttery was open late. Hair above my ears. He convinces me to try Nair for the first time. Down there. After several panic attacks and hosiptalizations, we break up.
22-24 bored with life, I let my hair grow below my shoulders
25 - that summer I go black, and enjoy being better than you. Fall, I go back to a warm brown shade. Winter, recieve a job I feel quite proud of, and get a smart "do" to go with it. We know what happened to that. Hair still looks great, though!

I bring all this up, because I found this - any takers? I didn't know they're called "Bettys."