Was that your Boner???

I've been staying home or spending time at other's homes. It's really just an excuse to watch The Jerk, drink alot, and spoon one another. Yes, my friends are a big bunch of spooners. My friend Miles suggests I pull a "reach-around", but I suppose I'm too shy.

Last night, a few of my friends stopped by for a would-be girls night/party planning session. Through some wacky misunderstandings, my new masculine friend ended up running into Helen, in-turn bumping into myself and my sexy personal trainer. She and I were clad in my dead grandmother's old furs, leotards, and Vans. We were purchasing Smirnoff Ice from the deli, and getting a slice of pizza. Yes, that WAS me putting my Vans on the counter to show the pizza guy. What else would one be doing on a Sunday night in Harlem?

We all came home, I ate my Sicilian, she ate her Veggie, Helen cooked lunch for the next day, and our man friend watched, wishing he had money. Before you start accusing me of being insensitive, I might say I treated him to a hearty lunch at White Castle earlier in the day. My trainer suggested we play "truth or dare". This was an idea that with greeted with mixed emotions. Helen quickly retired to her study to save the world, our man friend sort of just sat there, and I whole heartedly said YES!!!

"Truth or Dare" never really went well for me. At a sleepover when I was 14, I was dared to lay down on the street in my underwear. My mother didn't appreciate that. And of course the kissing of the female friends, met with giggles and whispers. By the time heavy duty "Truth or Dare" was in session, I had already been shipped off to my no-touching policy boarding school. I've never even played "seven minutes in heaven". But really, how much trouble can one get into in 7 minutes!

So we lit some tea lights and cranked up my Mates of State playlist on Pandora - you know, to set the mood of being ironically juvenile. Yes, good times were had by all. We all asked typical truth stuff, regarding loosing of virginity, who would you cheat on your partner with, what's the kinkiest thing you've ever done...I asked the hard hitting stuff, such as "Have you ever had a murderous thought?" What can I say, I'm special.

I've always preferred "Truth" to "Dare", because I'm quite the storyteller. Obviously. Yet, I'm painfully gun shy. I will never make the first move, and I'm ridiculously cautious. So you'd be as surprised as I was, when I found myself accepting the dare of dry humping one of our friends. Well, in all actuality, I was supposed to simulate what I look like when I'm about to have an orgasm. Honestly, I don't really know, what with me being chaste. And I'm pretty sure I accidentally touched his boner.

Dancing was had, legs entwined through one another took place, I got sort of turned on by a girl, and a delightful new sketch character was born on this night! Just you wait!!! If I can't almost have an orgy with my good friends, while creating comic gold, then what good are the for???

Goodbye, my lover.

Oh dear. My gentleman friend has found another. This was bound to happen, of course. That was the arrangement. If one of us finds someone they chose to be monogamous with, our relationship ends. I knew he'd find someone first. The Bronx isn't that big. It will be a loss, however.

We were coworkers, and it took me three months to introduce myself. I approached him in the lunch room of my nursing home and said hello, one day. Man, I was a DORK. He was my work crush. Now, the beauty of a work crush, is that is all it is. You would never date this person out of work, but seeing them makes a shitty day better. I'd get all smushy when I'd see him. So cute with his glasses and round tush! Ugh, sorry. Spending time with a senior, I'd go out of my way to be near him while talking to them. Remember when I said I was a dork?

When I quit, I told his best friend, the security guard, that I had a work crush on him. His response, "Really? That's funny, because he thinks your gorgeous." Awww, right? Well, that was 8 months ago.

No one has met him, not even Helen. I sort of like it that way. We're very different, and I like that as well. He's not a bull shit artist like so many people I know. He's direct and honest. The only Broadway show he's seen is Cats, prefers comic books to novels, he can't swim or drive, and takes care of his mother. We'll spend a good portion of the evening playing Nintendo, inbetween our trysts and General Tso's Chicken. No one know we're here.

The reason for my waxy poetry? I'll miss him. Our trysts weren't extraordinary. His kissing wasn't even that good. He'd never let me get to emotionally close - he'd speak about his personal life, but refuse to use names and exact locations. That being said, I felt safe and ok with him.

I think, with every person you encounter, whether it be a lover, an enemy, or a friend, there is something to learn from that person. Some small piece you can take along with you. I suppose the one thing I can take away from him, is the knowledge that I am actually ok. And that I don't need him, or anyone to reaffirm that. I will miss the General Tso's...